Unforgivably Unapologetic & Thankful for Perserverance
Please allow me to preface this entire message by simply expressing that the content below has not always been the way my brain processes information about myself. So I sure as heck can admit that I’m sure it hasn’t always been other people’s perception of me either... but as my current mind and mouth would say - SCREW EM!
What most young people do not realize, and we wonder how and why our mentors have been able to gain wisdom pertaining to self love... is that time and experience is a you know what. Just as anything else, loving yourself is a learned behavior. Although we are not taught such, self-love is indeed a skill. We have all heard the cliché that love yourself or no one else will stuff… And it’s true. Loving yourself not only takes time, but it takes courage and perseverance as well. See the thing about confidence and self worth and self awareness all of these things starts with us as people not feeling guilty or ashamed for loving ourselves... It’s us being unapologetic for doing so. A person must be committed to and persistent with loving themself.
Many of us may feel as if we either have been there still may be on some type of massive journey… I kind of like to think of it as a magical or majestic journey (I know I can only speak for myself).... but nonetheless I’ve been able to see the other side. I want you guys to know that there is another side… There is another side to this journey, or mountain, or bridge, or peak, etc. See, when we look at these roads/journeys/mountains we kind of look at them it’s huge/long/difficult... And we allow the physical perception of these obstacles to negate the levels of tenacity we can achieve to climb these mountains RUN THOSE ROADS! All of which takes courage.
The truth is unicorns… And I am the first to hate to say this but it is the truth… No one is fearless I mean no one. I don’t care how big you are how strong you are how much stuff you been through… No one is fearless. Heck, I’m not fearless, but I am courageous. I mean yeah the amount of adrenaline I have from time to time tricks me into believing I am... but I promise I’m not. When things that we’re afraid of show up, we have a choice to make. We can either stay there and face it or we can run from it. I have learned to choose not to run away from things that I am afraid of. I have had to learn to use my courage to kick the crap out of the things I am fearful of. That’s right my current has got me a long way the same as these big O feet of mine… This courage is that I have has allowed me to walk right up to those fears of mine and kick him right where the sun does not shine :).
Please keep in mind that fear is not always something that is outside of ourselves. When we think about things as a child or a kid and we remember the man vs man, man vs nature, man vs himself conflicts in literature. And although I’ve had some pretty tough conflicts with other people you guys can probably imagine… I’ll actually take a little bit of time to let you know about one of the biggest internal conflicts I have gone through that I feel I have conquered.
Accepting myself for not only who I am but what I am has been a little rough for me. Being okay with the fact that I’m this person who’s not the easiest to deal with used to be a huge issue for me. I had a breakthrough in 2016. And anyone who knows me knows that I’m super thrifty I’m super cheap and I have never gone to therapy or seek professional help for my internal battles. However when I use the term breakthrough me spending a lot of time alone losing a lot of people out of my life not from death or anything like that but me disconnecting or people disassociating themselves with me, afforded me the opportunity to do a little research... not only on myself, but on the emotional history & connections I had with others as well.
I too have just like many others used to feel bombarded to keep up with the image of being not necessarily perfect but I guess yeah I thought I was supposed to be perfect. PERIOD! I thought I was supposed to be with the perfect guy, have a lot of money, great job, perfect family, you name it. And for a while I did- well at least I thought. When everything seems to be going perfect everyone thought I was perfect. Or for me to put that in a better way everyone who had a less than perfect intent with being in my life were fooled by the perception of what my reality was on the surface. Not too many people know this about me but I’m gonna go ahead and take the time to share this here… that losing it all broke me (as it would for anyone) and taught me a lot. Unicorns I actually hit rock bottom. Long story short the fairytale ended. My Pro career ended. I did the college coaching thing division 1 for a stint & still felt lost.... I lost the man... lost some friends....lost my job... pretty much lost it all, to include a place to live. That’s right people the 6 foot unicorn who seemingly to everyone else is supposed to be this perfect illusion everything always together was homeless. I just thank god that this experience did not make me heartless. When everything was going right in my life, everyone was there for me, and when I had nothing the bounced. People I looked up to left me hanging… Yeah when my nerdy and over dedicated behind was looking for a job I got the “Everybody’s looking for a job” speech from a person I would run through a brick wall for. People I confided in for too busy for me, or didn’t like the downed version me.... you know when I didn’t feel like partying ( I can’t be partying if I don’t know where I’ll be washing my behind or brushing my teeth right?) or didn’t have the means to pay for things like I typically would...And I’m not into sob stories unicorn so I’m just gonna leave a post that I posted back in 2016 when I had this breakthrough that ended up being a purging a moment for me check it out:
On June 23rd, 2016 I had an epiphany. It was after I had received my second promotion in 5 months (May 2016) with my company. It was after I had my last hoorah with a few key players in my life that I closed that chapter. I cleansed and I purged.
All in all I’m glad. Things happened the way they did. There’s nothing like realizing you don’t need the people or things you’ve thought you needed for so long. The right people will stick around. The right people will know what you’re going through or when to check on you. More importantly you have to check on you. You have to be persistent in believing in you.
Unicorns.... Persistence is doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success - look it up in any dictionary. My persistence has been both favorable & unfavorable. Favorable for me & unfavorable for those who have competed silently with me. Just like when I hooped I was known as a relentless player, my work ethic has always been unremitting and ask someone like my girl Erin Hawkins, annoying. I haven’t changed at all... because I don’t have time to relax.
Push on unicorns.... until next time.
-The 6 Foot Unicorn