Open Letter- to Past Loves
I’m just a person. Not necessarily looking for love, but I like it. Over the years I’ve come to realize that I can love, I’m decent at it. But there’s always been a struggle I’ve had. For some strange reason, I thought I owed love to people. Way past until after we stopped being in each other's lives. Once upon a time... I felt weird or wrong after life changed, and for a while after, I sort of hated those I used to love. I was weirdly heartbroken... although I know that for some unsaid reason my feelings were never really out on the table, they couldn’t be. I guess it’s because that’s how I was “raised”. Drake kind of says is best “If I ever loved you” I gotta always love you right?
Sometimes when I have time to sit to myself and think... it’s like wow. When we choose to be with others, we’re with someone that at some point we had a lot of respect for and would've given anything to be with... and really... honestly looking back that can be a sad fact.
Often times... when I think of the guys I’ve dealt with... I’d love to talk to them to tell em “Hey, you didn’t deserve me”, but what’s the point? Because one thing I’m super sure of... is I definitely did not deserve all the bull that you guys put me through. I mean yea.... There’s some things you guys couldn't help, and I can’t be angry at y’all forever... I won’t allow myself to be.
What stands out more is the mere fact that.... there were some circumstances that could've been avoided, and you guys clearly didn't care enough about me to lend me that favor.... any of your stupid behinds.
Foolishly still... no matter what you did to me, I would never wish anything negative on you. I’ve always had a big heart, it’s both a gift and a curse. I'm currently feeling the after-effects of y’all damaging me now, even though I'm completely over you. I say y’all because I can recognize it was a collective and collaborative effort lol. The dream team of damage... freaking Allstars! it just pisses me off that I'm scared to love anybody the way that I loved you because of the way things went down with us. So to future loved ones please accept my apology.
But back to you other gentlemen... I never asked you for much. Just to love me. I am grateful & understand I can never blame someone for not feeling the same way that I do. We can’t choose who we love all the time. Sometime the crap just happens. If we could choose who we love, I promise that never in my right mind would I have chosen to love half of you. But you jokers didn’t help me out either. Like let’s be serious for a moment... You shouldn't have taken advantage of the fact that I loved you, but you did. Although I never asked you to love me back, my willingness to give love provided an opportunity for you to take the love that you didn't need.
I’ve been young and blind. Im mature enough now to own up to the facts instead of feelings. The facts are... you never appreciated me. You used the fact that I loved you more than I loved myself to enjoy the love and attention that you wanted from me, but that you would never return.
And I recant my last statement. What hurt the most... It’s not that you didn’t love me because you couldn’t. You didn't want to love me..
I used to be ashamed... because I felt I lost a piece of myself loving you. I’m sure you’ve all laughed at my pain on your own time. I’m finally shrugging it off myself. No beef. No animosity. Just clarity from getting a few things off my little chest. NOT CLOSURE... CLARITY. Not the biggest fan of giving closure.
As I presume my quest to love land, Cupid I’m requesting to chill out for a minute. Because I’d be waisting your time. My hearts gps isn’t necessarily broken... I think the voltage has been off. I know I was born to love. I just can’t keep loving the wrong people. To my best buds get on y’all job and pop me when I go down those rabbit holes please lol. Best of luck with your new luv’s. Wish you guys nothing but the best. Peace
- The 6 Foot Unicorn