There are quite a few fortunate people who exist who are very lucky. SO LUCKY! Lucky simply because they are not obligated to deal with any excess baggage. Some of the fortunate were smart enough to get out of dodge before becoming too attached to what had the potential to turn into excess baggage.
“Ex-cess Baggage is defined by me as when a relationship between two people has ended, yet one party still has to deal with the other party’s bullcrap.”
Some people do get it right. They don’t have kids until they get married. Or they have kids and freaking figure out how to make things work. And then you have other people who just carry around this oversized ex-cess baggage. Unfortunately ladies & gentlemen some of us are living as one of those people with some unnecessary and very unwanted weight from someone who they are no longer with, or remotely even interested in being with ever again.
In my case, my ex (and son's dad) is apparently the greatest man known to mankind in their mind. Yup one of those people that loves themselves a little too much. Don’t get me wrong being confident with a healthy level of self-esteem is one thing, but when you’re tethering the line of being a narcissist, it can make dealing with this type of person extremely difficult. Throw in the fact that the two of you share a pretty awesome kid. Wheeeewwww, now this is how things can easily get a little tricky
Trying to parent a kid separately is already tough, naturally. Not to mention attempting to do it in the right frame of mind, with someone who has consistently proven themselves to be quite irrational is what makes plenty of co-parenting relationships really tough. The simplest way to put it is that you’re hated because you don’t love someone anymore. But we love our children and want our children to feel nothing but that love so we try to be a team player- more often than not for too long unfortunately. When you’ve worked so hard over some needed time to take all of the emotions and out them on a one way flight to Mars (so they can burn with those flames)… And because of this you fact... you're actually able to keep feelings out of parenting & you try to build a new relationship with your ex… Not as buddy’s or pals, but as parents. I’m just here to tell you that it’s quite the roller coaster ride with a self-centered, self-absorbed, controlling, vain better known as toxic ex.
I am so serious guys. It is beyond stressful when you’re trying to do the right thing, be cordial & respectful to the other person that you are connected to by nothing other than the blood running through your precious child’s veins. But you can’t… because the other person has this super exaggerated sense of entitlement & self-importance. What's worst is, like a child, this other person doesn’t know how to manage situations where others either just simply don’t or no longer admirer them. When the other person continuously either self-proclaims to be superior to you, and lashes out when cannot buy their way out of situations, they don’t get special treatment, or things just don’t go their way.
Although you’ve launched the feelings and emotions you had for this person on a rocket to another galaxy, the fact that this person still behaves in the way that made you not want to stay with them doesn’t bring back feelings, but it does elicit some memories. So for those of us who pride ourselves in being intellects, it rubs us kind of the wrong way when we foolishly try to make their selfish ways make sense. It most certainly baffles me because their behavior completely contradicts the straightforward communication skills needed to raise a child although separately, yet aligned. Their behavior oozes the mere fact that they put themselves and their feelings above those of their children, which if you think about it, it's unfortunate and very sad.
I am proud to say the day has come though...
The day has come where taking what the other parent says personally is a thing of the past. Understanding that people who are supposed to act like adults very well may react with rage and throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Not everyone cares enough to possess the skills needed to create a healthy co-parenting relationship. You know things like being respectful of one another, not criticizing, blaming or accusing one another, not expecting or forcing your children to take sides, setting consistent routines and rules between households, and considering above everything else the feelings of your children rather than yourself. To most people with some kind of sense these things seem pretty standard… We cannot forget to put everything into context in these adverse situations.
As infuriating as this can become, those of us who truly put the feelings of our children before our own understand the power of love. We also understand that you can only control you. We understand the importance of modeling emotional intelligence for our children for them to learn the true essence of compassion and forgiveness.
And let’s be honest, parenting feels like one of the toughest job in the world sometimes. But if you’re doing it alone, single parenting doesn’t have to be as hard as we may think. When we love our kids the best we can, the love they show back to us provides a sense of relief… Relief that we’re doing something right by loving them and raising them right.
At the end of the day, all I can say is to all the single parents out there… continue to love your children more than you hate your ex, they appreciate it more than you know!